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Are you wondering these things right now, too? Probably not. I promise not to hold that against you. I hope you know how much I already love you. I thought I had already met you a time or two. I wish I knew you already so every time my heart broke, I would have known that God had something better in mind. And it broke. I spend a lot of time there.

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My past, I mean. You can let go. Take The Pledge. If this message blessed you, be a blessing by sharing with other women. This prayer and thought has been in my heart since I was a little girl!

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  8. WOW just read it while taking a break from work! Made my day! Yeah, I do hope to meet him, soon. God, who began a good work in us, will stay faithful to complete it. Thank you for posting this story. I will be going to get advice asap. I want out of this abusive relationship. I've been waiting for you for so long.

    I picked my first husband, God picked my second husband

    And I'll wait more because I still believe you're out there. But I'm warning you, my heart is kind of a desert fortress right now, so I hope you can scale the walls that's not a euphemism :. And maybe together we can drill a well and have an oasis. I don't know how water in the desert works. But I do thirst for you How can you crave a flavor you've never tasted? Or sense textures and a tone that you've never felt before?

    I don't know, but I know that your absence brings real pain. At best the pain is like a yawn that doesn't quite get to the bottom of my lungs.

    by Rebecca St. James

    But then it's like "well, I'm too tired to yawn again" and I move onto the next thing. At worst it's the onset of a gaping stillness, a silence, and a darkness that stretches on forever in my soul-- punctuated by pinpricks of hope that, like stars, are beautiful, but so very distant and unknowable. It does help just to imagine that you are there, even though I can't project specifics.

    It helps to be with people who love me, but sometimes it makes it hurt more and then I have to go be by myself. I don't want one just to have one.

    If you were here right now, you'd probably laugh because I'm a mess. One minute I'm freaking out about how cool Kwanzaa is yeah, the holiday Well now I'm not going because I'm crying and I can't breathe through my sniffly nose. I would probably cuddle up to you or something. I just can't believe that I don't know you yet. Or that I only know of you. Because how could we both be where we are if I knew you?

    Really knew you? I'm sorry if this is my fault. That's a stupid thing to say, probably, but it might be relevant. I've just met so many people you that you haven't been.

    ISBN - Wait for Me Journal : Thoughts for My Future Husband Direct Textbook

    I'm so dizzy with it. So dizzy, how will I ever even get my head to be clear enough to see you? What if I've become too calloused, cynical, unbelieving? What if I'm expecting love to be a revelation, but it comes more slowly than that, and in a guise I just glaze over in my growing solipsism?

    These are the things I worry about.

    A Letter To My Future Husband - REACTION

    I pray all the time for you. I know that God, in a way I can't quite fathom, is pulling strings somewhere. Maybe our kids are somewhere out there, too, helping. If we have a daughter I want to name her Grace. So I always remember the miracles that cradle me and all of life but I forget to see. I don't always feel like this. Despondent and stuff. I just don't know how to take myself seriously without you sometimes. Can you imagine Eve alone, without Adam? I can't think of anything sadder than that right now.

    ISBN 13: 9780785263968

    And yet. So many Adams and Eves, Eve-less and Adam-less. I toil on because I believe. But oh gosh I miss you. I just wish you could text me right now, haha. That'd be cool :. Maybe I'll just ask God. He's been pretty great lately. Maybe Januaries are just a bad time for me. Please don't settle. Please don't make it so that I can't find you like that. I'm here. I'm trying to send some kind of signal? Just so you know, this whole thing started this morning, when the Scandinavian Guy didn't text me back. It's fine. It's been 2 days since he texted me-- been here before. Totally know what it means.

    And honestly, I kind of felt like it was all too good to be true anyway. I mean seriously It's not like I don't think it could happen with an attractive Scandinavian, it just kind of felt like "well probably not, but please happen because it would be awesome. Anyway, his not texting me back after I basically fell off the treadmill for him is kinda why I'm sad.

    Because even though somehow I was psychically prepared, my heart wasn't. And who knows, he may text me back eventually. Who knows? I went to the bathroom at work today and Desperado was playing over the speaker. I kept it together then. Mostly I just laughed because it was funny and ironic. But I'm coming to realize that laughter about dating always masks some kind of sorrow or another.

    The mask gets more warped the older you get-- thinner in some places, thicker in others. You relinquish control of some parts but slowly tighten your grip on everything else.

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    Before you know it, you're tired, and white knuckled at the same time. I mention this because I'm kind of a Desperado right now. And I probably will be when you meet me. Just know that. It may not seem helpful to listen to the Eagles when you're trying to figure out how to woo me if we have to go through the wooing phase, please dear heaven, let it not be awkward and drawn out.

    But you should.